This week I decided to select a biblical friendship with sparse references, to see what I could learn. One that came to mind is a reliable friendship in the New Testament between Paul and Onesiphorus . There are few passages where these two are mentioned, but it is clear there was deep honor in Paul’s words.
Imagine that you are on the receiving end as someone speaks on the value of your friendship and closeness during tough times. One of the few write-ups on Onesiphorus, comes from Alexander Whyte‘s Dictionary of Bible Characters. He describes Onesiphorus “as an elder in the Church of Ephesus, and a better elder there never was”.
Paul ministered in Ephesus for three years. Paul described the traits of an elder in Titus 1:6-7: 6 An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain.
These traits for an elder are something we should all strive to attain, whether we are Christian or not. The elder is referred to as a man, but that was only in the context of Biblical times. In modern times, we can understand it as a sober-minded man or woman who manages their household well, and has children who do not go crazy with wild or disobedient behavior. The person is understanding and careful with their words and temperament, and is consistently seen as a good, reliable person.
Being associated for three years is a good start to get to know a leader in your church. There are several traits in the life of Onesiphorus we can glean from 2 Timothy 1:16-18 : 16 May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains. 17 On the contrary, when he was in Rome, he searched hard for me until he found me. 18 May the Lord grant that he will find mercy from the Lord on that day! You know very well in how many ways he helped me in Ephesus.
Let’s break it down to see what we can learn:
repeatedly kind
“… he often refreshed me…” Friendship does not show itself as mean and unpredictable. Facebook video pranks come to mind as examples of mean and unpredictable (I rarely see them as representations of friendship). 
I usually see them as mean when I run across them, since it is helping to monetize being mean to someone. (On facebook, getting more than 1 million views can mean the poster gets several hundred dollars) . Having a friend in stressful times makes the burden easier to bear. One visit is always a help. Multiple visits demonstrates real caring, rather than just going through the motions.
comfortable with suffering.
He “… was not ashamed of my chains…” Associating with suffering, or any form of embarrassing social stigma can be difficult. There are few reliable people who are willing to wade through ‘the muck’ to help someone who is down. It is rare to be able to stay above the fray, and not be implicated as part of the stigma. It is evident that Onesiphorus was quite comfortable in his behavioral consistency and state of mind, such that he did not fear being associated with Paul during Paul’s days in chains.
above and beyond
“… when he was in Rome, he searched hard for me until he found me.” This one was an interesting discovery, and I am still thinking about it. How often are
we willing and able to set aside our personal time and finances, and take time to help a friend? My nearest equivalent is helping friends when they need help moving or renovating. I am always glad to help. On the other hand, I have not been tested in regard to
traveling to another city and doing a search to find a friend. How much time and money am I willing and able to spend?
blessings for kindness shown
“May the Lord grant that he will find mercy from the Lord on that day!” Paul offers a prayer for God’s favor and protection on Onesiphorus. Our God is powerful. It is in our interests to pray for our friends and seek the best for them. When you think about it, we pray for the ones we know, and the ones we want to be blessed. God’s favor and protection is intended for believers. In John 17:19-21 Jesus said: 20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
This scripture helps show that the intention of a prayer for blessing is ultimately a prayer of favor and protection for ourselves — so that all (believers) may be one.
This study helps us discover that even ‘minor’ scripture references can be beneficial for learning and reproof. It’s a lesson on friendship that provides for meditation. We should strive to have the character of an elder. When dealing with people, we should use the example of Onesiphorus to be repeatedly kind, long-suffering, and ready to serve my brothers and sisters in Christ.
