I read an article recently on the effects of self-isolating during the days of this pandemic. Self-isolating brings on loneliness, and talking about loneliness increases anxiety. Since my interest is to build up, I will talk about something kind of opposite to loneliness, namely, friendship.
The definition provided by Wikipedia for friendship is: a mutual affection between two people. We can use a biblical narrative with characteristics of friendship, to build our relational skills to combat loneliness. This will be a 2 part series on these characteristics of friendship, defined by affection, kindness, love, virtue, sympathy, and empathy. Then in part 2 we will look at honesty, altruism, loyalty, generosity, forgiveness, and compassion.
Friendship Characteristics
Many would agree that we love our friends, but not with the same kind of love we have for a family member or spouse. The Greeks had the word ‘philia‘, which was often translated as ‘brotherly love‘ or affection.
2 Peter 1 points out a consequence and a result for our love: 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins. The wisdom here suggests that loving our neighbors helps us to understand Jesus Christ, and helps us avoid being shortsighted and blind. In the New Testament, there are multiple descriptions of affection through brotherly love (John 13:35; Romans 12:10a; Colossians 2:2a; Colossians 3:1; Colossians 3:14; Hebrews 13:1 1 John 3:11; 1 John 4:21).
Culture frequently determines how we should dispense affection. It can be through words, touch, or gestures. In the Old Testament, affection included hugs, crying and kisses (Genesis 29:11-13; Genesis 48:10b). In an age when touch may offend sensibilities, we need to be cautious. When it is culturally and physically appropriate, touch is good. (2 Corinthians 6:3).
Kindness is marked by a positive concern for another. An interesting truth
about kindness is that we can usually expect some form of giveback from
kindness: When we dish it out, we get it back. (Romans 11:22). Sadly, when we are not kind, we are likely to suffer (2 Samuel 2:6).
Virtue is defined as excellence with respect to attributes such as faith, hope and charity (love). I Corinthians 13 speaks about these virtues. When we talk about virtue in friendship, our intent should be to maintain excellence in terms of these virtues. In retrospect, it can sometimes be difficult to be excellent in friendship. Sometimes a friend says or does something that is unkind, or requires forgiveness. At times like that, it makes it hard to remain excellent. In Biblical terms, this becomes an ongoing moment when we need to be a ‘good neighbor’, and do good, perhaps in spite of the bad. Romans 15:2 says “Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up”.
The perception, understanding, and reaction of a person to another person’s feelings is known as sympathy. . Sympathy is emotional, in that you feel deeply for the person. A closely related term is empathy, which is better understood with more of an objective perspective (i.e., not as much participation in the emotion).
Depending on personality and upbringing, we will display empathy or sympathy in our friendships (1 Peter 3:8b). I am aware that my personality makes deep emotion difficult for me to express. It is there, though not as visible as some. On this point, I am more of an empathy guy. I can cry, I can be sad, I can hug. People with an empathy response may seem more stoic, but our support is still there.
I look to 2 Corinthians 1 for inspiration: 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
In order to sympathize with others, we need to draw close to God, who helps us to a better understanding of how to bring comfort.
After describing these characteristics, I wanted to provide some examples of friendship characteristics through stories. Here are some friendship stories which provide illustrations of the characteristics. It is heartwarming to realize that there are people around us who exhibit all the traits described here. From a Christian perspective, I can think of countless occasions where friendships have been a source of consolation, fun and hope. It is a picture which tells me a great day will come, when we will know Jesus face to face as more than Savior and Lord. He will be a well known friend also.
