“You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.” Psalm 119:114
Some days, we feel like ‘just getting by’. Sometimes, life is difficult – whether it is because of finances, stressful circumstances, or people. It should not be surprising to an experienced Christian that life is not always good — but on the other hand, sometimes life can be wonderful. When we became Christians, there was never a promise that life would be nothing but smiles and rainbows. I am aware though, that a world with only sunshine will become a desert.
Getting by
When we are confronted with troubles in our life it is not pleasant. I think the example of going to the dentist is a good metaphor for a troubled life. The anticipation of enduring pain, and the inevitable check -in to get the work done is never an event we look forward to. During the actual work, we mentally have to go to our happy place — we have to mentally prepare and try to think of getting through the circumstance. The pain is quite real, and we do not have an alternative except for looking towards the end of the tunnel, when we are through the pain and finally the work is completed.
This whole ‘getting by’ process assumes there is an end. There are actually 2 ‘ends’ that we deal with in life. One end is the immediate unbearable circumstance and the other is death itself. Let’s discuss both.
Getting by, in the immediate
It is really important for one’s health and sanity to not ignore difficult circumstances when they happen. The feeling during these difficult times is known as ‘stress’ or ‘anxiety’. I saw an article by Aaron Loy, republished in Relevant magazine, entitled “7 ways Christians should deal with Stress and Anxiety” which described his struggles and how he dealt with getting by in immediate stressful situations. He provided 7 methods to handle his stressors:
1) Admit there is a problem. Don’t ignore it or cover it up. Decide to deal with it.
2) Stop self-medicating in unhealthy ways. Unhealthy coping mechanisms (such as over-eating or food fads, illicit drugs, or body abusive habits) only add to the cycle of stress through repetition.
3) Take care of yourself physically. Regular physical exercise keeps you mentally fit also. You are less likely to be depressed or anxious if you are physically feeling good. In a similar way, making sure you have enough rest puts you in a much better frame to mind to handle problems.
4) Be Intentional about what goes into your mind. Paul said this in Phillippians 4: 8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Meditation for a Christian is not about emptying your mind. It is all about filling your mind with good things. Our goal in Christ is to think about Him and His kingdom, and find ways to extend His kingdom rather than just doing things that diminish our spiritual life.
5) Focus on Spiritual Matters. Aaron said it well: “You must make a habit of utilizing the power of prayer, the gift of the Scriptures and the support of Christian community who can help you discern the lies you are tempted to believe and who will remind you of who you truly are in Christ.”
6) Consider seeing a doctor. There have been times in my life where I neglected physical symptoms, and it put me in the hospital because I ignored what my body was telling me. Truly, if the body has things happening like heart palpitations, or a hard sweat for no obvious reason, or the inability to sleep well, it is time to check with a doctor. Our person hood is is a combination of mind, spirit, soul, and physical body. The parts inter-relate, and it can be the case that we need to address the part we cannot fix by going through an option (such as a doctor) that will take care of what can be addressed.
7) Embrace the Blessing of Brokenness. I would rather say “Sometimes you have to get through the pain to understand why God put you through it.” I sometimes face circumstances where I have no idea why God put me through something. It is a matter of finding patience. After we look back on the path we trod to get where we are, we discover there was a good reason we ended where we are. God could not explain it while we were going through it. God will usually reveal the reason for the suffering and brokenness as an end result or after it is all over.
Getting by, at the end
“Getting by” at the end, is the hardest thing for me to deal with. I do not fear death, since I know that ‘to die is to be with Christ’. To be separated from someone who passes away, someone who I love or cherish as a friend or relative — that is hard. Getting by at the end is another way of referring to grieving. Secular psychology says there are 5 stages to grief. I found a nice summary of these in an article by Dr. Bob Kelleman , entitled A Biblical model for grieving. Quoting his article, the secular way consists of:
Denial: This is the shock reaction. “It can’t be true.” “No, not me.” We refuse to believe what happened.
Anger: Resentment grows. “Why me?” “Why my child?” “This isn’t fair!” We direct blame toward God, others, and ourselves. We feel agitated, irritated, moody, and on edge.
Bargaining: We try to make a deal, insisting that things be the way they used to be. “God, if You heal my little girl, then I’ll never drink again.” We call a temporary truce with God.
Depression: Now we say, “Yes, me.” The courage to admit our loss brings sadness (which can be healthy mourning and grieving) and/or hopelessness (which is unhealthy mourning and grieving).
Acceptance: Now we face our loss calmly. It is a time of silent reflection and regrouping. “Life has to go on. How? What do I do now?”
Bob refers to a theologian and philosopher named Dallas Willard, who pointed out that secular psychology is potentially inadequate for Christians, since we, as humans, do not live in a world we were designed for. Dr. Bob’s biblical model of grieving has eight stages. For some great insights, I strongly recommend his article. The first four stages relate to the suffering part, familiar to those in the world. His model is clearly 3 dimensional rather than linear, and the second 4 stages relate to the healing part of grieving. We do not move through grieving in a straight line. We are often in more than one stage at the same time, and in varying degrees. The second half of his grieving model is healing and growth.
5) Regrouping – -Waiting: Trusting with Faith
6) Deadening — Wailing: Groaning with Hope
7) Despairing/Doubting — Weaving: Perceiving with Grace
8) Digging Cisterns — Worshiping: Engaging with Love
Admittedly, I have not felt much like writing lately since I myself have been going through grief. His writing has been encouraging, and I still feel limited in expression because of my grief.
Seeing a reference to Dallas Willard was thrilling, since it helped me recall a privilege I had as a teenager, when I met Dallas Willard. His teachings helped cement my awareness of God, and through the medium of Youtube I am able to listen to an Epic set of lectures from Dallas Willard (he wrote a book on this too) entitled The Divine Conspiracy . It is a good resource, helping me to grow and heal. Grace and Peace to you.
